Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Too soon?

New York magazine - where it's never "too soon" - asks Gotham's finest intellectuals: What if 9/11 never happened?

Andrew Sullivan
grabs the ball and runs with it.

Dahlia Lithwick smartly reckons, "Without a war on terror, the administration’s legal focus would have stayed on the culture wars."

To that end, Frank Rich answers the question with another: "What if Janet Jackson had not had a wardrobe malfunction during the Super Bowl?"

Of all the lamentable things Bernard-Henri Lévy postulates we could have avoided, his best is "I wouldn’t have had to shorten my vacation in Saint Paul de Vence to do a story about Israel at war." Quel dommage!

Tom Wolfe cracks me up. "A local music genre called hip-hop, created by black homeboys in the South Bronx, would have swept the country, topping the charts and creating a hip-hop look featuring baggy jeans with the crotch hanging down to the knees that would have spread far and wide among white teenagers—awed, stunned, as they were, by the hip-hop musicians’ new form of competition: assassinating each other periodically. How cool would that have been?"

I agree with the so-called Reverend Al Sharpton, that people who get all religious when they're scared, do so at their own risk. "When you’re drowning in an ocean, you grab for a raft like it’s a concrete building."

Fuck you pussies, says Ron Suskind. "There’s a fair to good chance that there would be ten planes blowing up over the continental U.S."

Moon-eyed Doris Kearns Goodwin figures that "had Gore become president, and had he embarked immediately on a Manhattan Project for alternative energy, our country might now be on the road to independence from Middle Eastern oil." Americans everywhere would proudly fill their cars with cheap, efficienct "Goreoline"!!

Even the bionic brain of Thomas Friedman gets in on the act, and takes us on a magical mustache ride. "Bush used 9/11 to take a far-right domestic agenda from 9/10 and drive it into a 9/12 world." God, how I loathe that pretentious nitwit. What an asshole.


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