Thursday, December 15, 2005

Finally, some Happy News!



Those poor dolphins are going to the Bahamas! How happy!

Oh, and despite what the Liberal Media tells you every night, things are going great in Iraq! See? Check this out! And what about this one!

The truth is, past eras were way worse than this one! Everything's A-OK!

"Mother tosses baby from burning building!" You wouldn't think that's happy news, but it is!

I don't know why the MSM obsesses over body counts, environmental damage, lying government officials, etc. And I don't care! From now on, it's only HAPPY NEWS for me!

5 Comments:

Blogger Jeff said...

Anyone remember that Johns Hopkins study that said that 100,000 civilians had been killed in Iraq as a result of the war? What was the deal with that? That number always seemed high to me, but how the hell would I know (or they)? Anyone aware of any reputable critiques of that study (i.e., not Jonah Goldberg)?

I also notice that you can apply to be a reporter for Happy News!

12:29 PM  
Blogger mkchicago said...

Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Weaselteats.

This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy!
That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

[chorus]

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!

[chorus]

If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a
fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't
believe me! Why didn't you believe me?!

[chorus without last line]

Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

8:30 AM  
Blogger mkchicago said...

And now back to our regular programming...

Jeff, this Slate article from last year did a pretty good job of debunking that number as 99 and 44/100% bull-plop.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Thanks for that MK--it almost makes up for your weaselteats outburst.

9:21 AM  
Blogger Germanicu$ said...

The folks at Johns Hopkins should stick to what they're best at: making the best goddamn waffles in the country.

5:39 PM  

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